On life

The #1 quality you don’t want to have

I mostly blog about positive things (I’m a positive person), like how to find yourself and accept who you are, become a better person (inside and out) and eat lovely plant-based cruelty-free foods while hugging a pig (figure of speech). This post is a little different, because let’s face it: life isn’t always positive and fun and people can be annoying. So today’s post is about one of the worst qualities I believe a person can have.

My blogposts always originate from something that either interests me, or irritates me. I don’t write about my irritations a lot, because it’s not as much fun. In the past I’ve written about jealousy and how judgmental people can be; two qualities I believe you can live without. Today’s post is about something I think is much worse and something I unfortunately come across quite often these days.

Wait for it.

Playing the victim

Without becoming too personal here, I have really come to hate it when people play the victim. I have to add though, that I used to have the same tendency and (surprise, surprise) this comes partly from how I was raised. Again, I don’t want to go into detail, but I believe it’s one of the worst traits a person can have. Yes it’s tempting to curl up into a ball, cry and blame the whole world for what’s gone wrong in your life. But it all begins and ends with you. If you feel bad about something, that’s your emotion and yours to deal with. Not someone else’s.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Playing the victim gets you absolutely nowhere. People love to feel like a victim to their circumstances and cry about how terrible their lives are, so people feel sorry for them and help them. Nobody can help you but you. I don’t believe that life is random and that we are all a victim of our circumstances. Yes, shitty stuff happens and perhaps a lot of it is out of our control. What is under our control is the way we respond to those things. I should know.

 “Most people want to make you responsible for the way they feel. The victim look ain’t a pretty one baby” – Rachel Wolchin

I can’t think of anything less attractive, appealing and more annoying than people playing the victim. On the other hand, I hugely respect people who get back up after they fall – without blaming the whole world for what happened to them. No matter what happens, we have to move on, and this is what distinguishes truly strong people from all the rest.

I’ve heard countless people tell other people “you’re so strong for moving on. I don’t know how you do it” (the exact situation is irrelevant here). No, you’re not strong – you’re human. Everyone moves on in some way – time goes by and you’re still here, no matter what has happened to you. You don’t choose to still be around, you just are. That’s not ‘moving on’ and not something to be hugely admired. We all go through hard times and it’s not the fact that we’re still breathing that’s so admirable. It’s the smile on our faces, even when we’re crying, the strength to undertake new things, meet new people and create new lives while letting go of our past and not placing blame on anyone or feeling victimized by life.

How to stop playing the victim

I am sorry for this rant, but blogging is a huge outlet for me, and I try to be as honest and true to myself as I can be. I draw from my own experience and my own life, without becoming too specific or naming names. It’s not just people close to me though, I see people playing the victim all the time. People love to place blame – whether it’s the traffic, the weather, the government, their boss, their partner, their finances, their family…. Whatever it is; everything sucky is always someone else’s fault. How to stop playing the victim? Take charge of your life and change what you don’t like. And if you can’t change it, change yourself and the way you look at things. A simple attitude change or shift in perspective can really do wonders. Because you and the way you respond to whatever is going on in your life is completely under your control. Now doesn’t that feel good?!

Emmelyn X

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