If there’s one thing I’ve learned these past years it’s this. Life gets hard, you get sad, hurt, betrayed and angry. You love, laugh, cry and scream. That’s what life is. But the solution to many of my problems has been very simple. It all starts and ends with me.
Remember when Samantha broke up with Smith in the Sex and the City movie and she said “I love you, but I love me more”? That’s the essence of what I’m trying to say. The answer to all my problems has been this: no matter how much something or someone hurts me and I feel like I can’t deal with it, I remember how much I love and respect myself. Am I going to continue to do this to myself? I deserve better right?
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down” ― Roy T. Bennett
I know it’s not as simple as this in reality – but it’s good to remind yourself that no matter what happens, you need to put yourself first. It has always helped me. Whenever I felt weighed down by someone I reminded myself that I am worth so much more. I’ve worked so hard to be where I am now and I’m not going to let someone bring me down. No matter how much I love that someone. It’s not worth it.
I truly believe that people treat you according to the standards you set for yourself and how you treat yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t be hard on yourself sometimes. I know my faults and I can get angry with myself for being insecure or scared. If I don’t tell myself, then who will? I am critical of myself, but above all I love myself. I am kind to myself, I forgive myself and I trust myself. So it’s not strange that I expect others to do the same. Especially others who claim to love me.
“Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here” – Max Ehrmann
Oh, how I love this excerpt from Max Ehrmann’s poem Desiderata. Always, always be kind to yourself. I feel like a lot of my troubles start when I forget that and neglect myself. I want to be strong for someone or help someone out, but who’s there to help me? I have to be strong for myself before anyone else. I can’t allow myself to fall apart – life’s too amazing. I don’t want to miss any of it.
On my best days I am completely in love with myself and I LOVE that feeling. I feel like I can handle anything. I feel stronger and larger than life. I am absolutely certain that no-one else can give me that feeling. It’s entirely self-inflicted. It has come with the years, with everything I’ve learned and experienced. As the years pass by I realize how fucking amazing I am. I’m so much stronger than I ever thought I could be, I can always trust my own instincts, I know what’s best for me and I take pretty good care of myself. As a result, I am a much more loving person for everyone around me.
You know where the line is
What I’m trying to say is simple: always love yourself. If you’re feeling stuck, or sad, or upset, the only one you need to listen to is yourself. You know what you can handle, you know what’s acceptable for you and you know when a line is crossed. You know what you deserve and what you’re worth. And if you don’t, you really should. You should love yourself. It’s the best thing I ever did for myself. Often when I’m feeling bad about something I know it’s because the way I’m treated and the way I feel about myself are in conflict. That what I’m worth doesn’t match what I’m getting. And that’s very simple. It’s hard and it hurts, but in essence it’s simple. I love myself and I deserve more. I need a change. And while change is good, it can hurt like hell.
You can go and love yourself now! Give yourself a good kick in the butt if you need it, but don’t give yourself anything you don’t deserve. Know your worth and let that be your guide through life. No one will ever get the chance to treat you with any less kindness, respect and love than you deserve.