Some people believe that we choose our parents before birth, as well as the place we are born. I think this is a very beautiful and encouraging thought – whether it’s true or not. Here’s why.
Last year I read a beautiful book called ‘Memories of Heaven’ by Dr. Wayne Dyer which is a collection of stories from children and their memories of the time before they were born. Again: whether you believe this or not, it is just magical to read these stories. They may simply be children’s fantasy stories, but very few adults have that kind of power of imagination. If you’re even slightly spiritual and not afraid of reading stories like these (some people are), I highly recommend reading ‘Memories of Heaven’. It left me feeling peaceful, hopeful and a little enchanted.
Memories of Heaven
In ‘Memories of Heaven’ I read about children choosing their parents for the first time and I thought it was such a lovely thought. Of course I immediately thought about children who are born to abusive or alcoholic parents – how exactly does that work? If we all choose our parents, how come some of us are making such terrible choices? But I’m sure it’s not that easy.
I was born to two wonderful, loving parents, so I can easily understand my choice. Unfortunately, that loving, safe family situation has changed drastically over the years. Did I choose that too? When we go through hard times it’s easy to pass blame on someone else, or feel sorry for ourselves or just think ‘it’s not fair’. But what if it’s all predetermined – what if we purposely choose everything that we’re going through?
This is the life I chose
Just hear me out, because this is where it gets interesting. And trust me: I’ve been through enough crap to want to curl up into a ball in a corner and never stop crying. But this ‘theory’ is hugely comforting to me, because it makes so much sense. Everything I’ve gone through has shaped me (duh) and made me stronger (yes, we’ve heard it all before). Who would I be if I hadn’t gone through all those things? I’d be a much lesser person. There’s just no way (NO WAY) I would be the awesome person I am today without going through all the crap I’ve gone through.
Just imagine you’re in ‘heaven’ (whatever you believe it to be), sitting on your little white cloud looking down onto earth. You can choose any family to be born into: rich, poor, big, small, loving or not and you can choose any place on earth. Most people immediately say: oh I would choose a wealthy family in a mansion somewhere with an outdoor swimming pool and five cars. But is that really true? In which situations are you most able to grow – which situations will benefit you most in your time on earth? What are your strengths and weaknesses and how can you best develop those? Which people do you want to surround yourself with that can teach you all you need to learn?
What has made me stronger
When I ask myself those questions, my story and the way I look at my life changes completely. For a long time I have also loved feeling like a victim (poor me, look what I’ve been through!) but what’s much more interesting is realizing how those situations have tapped into my weaknesses. They haven’t just ‘made me stronger’ they have strengthened me in ways I needed to be strengthened. They haven’t made me more social (which I already am) or more responsible (that’s my middle name) but I have gained much more independence, faith and trust in myself as well as an overwhelming feeling of self-confidence. That doesn’t just happen overnight.
So maybe I did choose this life – and if I did I think I made the right choice. And I’m definitely not done yet – I have a lot of learning and growing left to do. And I still secretly hope it doesn’t get any harder, but if it does I know I can handle it. I don’t just think it, I know; and that knowledge is absolutely priceless. Of course I’ll always want more and I’ll always want to become someone better, stronger and more successful, but that’s okay. I have got more life left to live!