The big green monster: it appears every once in a while, when you least expect it. And no matter how hard you try to fight it – it isn’t easily defeated and it can leave you feeling down and embarrassed. How do you deal with that aching, gut-wrenching feeling of jealousy? Is there any way to not get jealous and if so – how?
I think we can all agree that jealousy is an ugly emotion. Jealous people aren’t fun people to be around – they just can’t seem to be happy for other people. Don’t get me wrong: I get jealous too. It’s not something to be embarrassed about, but I have learned to deal with this emotion. Also, there’s a time and a place for jealously. It’s fine to be jealous of certain things – if the emotion is short-lived and doesn’t appear all the time something good happens to someone else. There’s nothing worse than having jealous friends. Friends are supposed to be happy for your success – most of the time.
Jealousy is normal – humans are self-centred beings and we want good things to happen to us. We want to be happy and successful, but many of us also want to be happier and more successful than other people. I think it’s very characteristic of our generation, but maybe I’m wrong. I do feel like most people around me strive for success and happiness more than ever before. People want to be extraordinary and stand out from everyone else. We want to make a name for ourselves and be remembered after we’re gone.
“I don’t think that there’s anything worse than being ordinary” – American Beauty
In this egocentric picture of success and happiness there’s no room for someone else’s success and happiness and that leaves a lot of room for jealousy. If we feel someone is doing better than we are, it can make us feel bitter – especially if it’s someone we don’t like very much. Rule #1: it’s better to surround yourself with people you genuinely like; this also makes it easier to be happy for them when they achieve something. Don’t forget: the most successful people are often surrounded by successful people.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
What I find most interesting is that I know many people who are jealous of someone getting something they did not want. I don’t get it – why are you jealous? You didn’t even want that! It’s just the fact that someone is getting ahead in some way that can make many people feel resentful. And that’s what I meant when I wrote there’s a time and a place for jealously. Someone getting or achieving something you didn’t want is not the time. Be happy for that person!
I have a theory about success and getting what you want. If you want something and someone else is getting something you want, feeling happy and overjoyed for them will help you as well. How? Not just because it eliminates the negativity of jealousy, but also because feeling happy for someone else’s success will attract those things into your life as well. If you believe that like attracts like (yes there it is again – the law of attraction) then how can you attract something to you if you are sending out negative energy when someone else gets what you want? Whenever I get jealous, that’s what’s going through my mind.
Good vibes only
Imagine you want something: a job, a car or you want to get pregnant and a close friend of yours gets the thing you want. If you become bitter and resentful, you are sending that energy into the universe and basically pushing it away from you. If, on the other hand, you are happy for your friend and his/her accomplishment then you are sending positive vibes out and are much more likely to attract it to you. This is the best reason to try and stop being jealous and be genuinely happy for other people’s successes. I know it’s much easier said than done – but it’s so worth it.
I have trained myself over the years to let go of this bitterness and resentment I might have towards other people’s success – no matter who they are. I’m talking close friends and family but also random people on social media. Feel their success as if it is yours and feel as happy for them as you would be if you got it. And if you don’t want what they have – what is the point of being jealous at all? Focus your energy on yourself; where you are and where you are going. Don’t waste it on feeling jealous.
How not to get jealous
So how not to get jealous? Whenever you feel the emotion bubble up inside – think long and hard about what you’re sending out into the world. Do you want to be negative about someone achieving something you want? Because it means you’re much farther away from getting there yourself. And trust me: it doesn’t make the other person any less successful. You don’t have that kind of power (thankfully). You do have the power to make yourself successful, so focus your energy on that. Use it, don’t waste it – you’ll be happier, healthier and people will want to be around you. Rule #2: jealousy pushes people away – happiness is magnetic and invites people in. Be the type of person you want to meet! FYI: I’d really love to have coffee with myself :-).